This morning, while I was playing a balance game on my wii, I noticed how easily I could find my place at the edge of the pendulum. Yet, when I was required to balance right in the middle, I often faltered. I felt uneasy and tentative in the middle. This observation struck me as a broader truth in my life. How readily I am calm and focused in a crisis, yet how easily I lose my way when the drama is dialed down, In those moments of quiet, I find myself out of sorts. In times of emergency, I can feel quite brilliant and vital.
I know that it not only me, but many clients report how drama helps them to feel alive, that it serves as their centre of vitality. At the same time, it is exhausting and cannot be sustained interminably.
How do we learn to be comfortable in the quiet centre? In my experience, by going through the middle and living through the moments of boredom and dissatisfaction. By looking into the garden and noticing how the sparrow deftly balances on a twig, how an ant carries a bread crumb across the sidewalk. By noticing when your heart stops pounding and your thoughts allow microsecond-long gaps, there is sweetness that defies all description. That is exactly where I want to be.